My heart's been deceitful; its all artificial sweetener

Monday, March 12, 2007

Wooooah!! so long never blog... look rusty and old, i tried to re-create a new blog with new skin, but im encountering some problems with the blogskins, i can't seem to save or preview it... "some errors will surely occur", i perfer the old blogger type

Some interesting things for me, maybe it does well for u too =) esp to those who are dating or hoping to date or looking for one.

*this question hit me quite close to my life*
>>>THIS WEEK'S QUESTION:
I have recently started to like this girl a lot.We hang out almost everyday, and everybody that isaround us say that we act like we are going out.We flirt all of the time, but i dont want to bethe one that admits that i like her first. I havealso become really good friends with one of herfriends and she told her friend that she likes meand everything, but she hasn't really had too much experience in dating.
She is one of the nicest girls in the world andshe is very pretty so I dont really understandwhy. I really want to tell her that i like her,but i have read your book and you always seem topush getting the girl to admit it to you first. Ithink she may be too shy to do this though. Wouldit be ok to admit it to her first in thissituation? I know you probably think hanging outwith her everyday seems needy, but she is the onethat calls me everyday and it is very hard to turnher down. Any suggestions would be greatlyapreciated. Thanks.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Nice.
In your email you say:
"I really want to tell her that i like her, but ihave read your book and you always seem to pushgetting the girl to admit it to you first."
Now, what I'm about to say might sound a littlebit "trivial" to you. You might call it"semantics", like the smart people do.
But, pay attention.
CLOSE attention.
I do not recommend that you get a woman toadmit that she likes you FIRST.
Getting a woman to admit that she likes you"first" naturally implies that you "admit it"BACK.
And I DO NOT say, "admit it back" OR "admit itlater" OR anything else of the sort.
Why is this so important?
Simple, really.
I personally believe that TELLING a woman thatyou "like her" is one of the WORST things you cando.
If you want a woman to know that you like her,the best way is to have her FIGURE IT OUT by thefact that you guys are getting PHYSICALLYINVOLVED.
Let me confuse the issue further...
"Telling her" that you like her and "feelinglike you really want to tell her" are twocompletely different issues, and they're BOTHbad... but for different reasons.
TELLING her is bad because it takes the MAGIC,the SUSPENSE, the MYSTERY, and the SEXUAL TENSIONout of the situation.
It pops the balloon.
It kills the chemistry.
FEELING like you want to tell her and thenasking about HOW to tell her is bad because itshows that you're not GETTING IT.
ANOTHER TANGENT
All right, so let's go off on tangent #2...
You mentioned in your email that this girlyou're seeing is inexperienced in the datingworld.
If she's REALLY inexperienced, then you mightbe in big trouble.
See, she might be falling IN LOVE with you.
All of this seeing her every day business butnot taking things to the next level (and feelinglike you want to tell her how you feel reallyreally really badly) might be setting her upemotionally for a late-night drive to Vegas andmarriage vows at the Drive Thru with Elvis.
If a woman is inexperienced, then it's veryimportant that you NOT screw this up. If you do,it might be bad.
Another thought: When you're with aninexperienced woman, it's sometimes a good idea to"dial down" the ball-busting and the Cocky & Funnya little bit.
Instead of having it turned up to a 9.5, dialit back to a 5.79235 setting. That will probablywork better for you and her.
WHAT TO DO
So, let's talk a bit about ATTRACTION.
It happens for reasons that are difficult toexplain to a person who has a "bad model" of howit works.
But, let's just say that if it DOES happen, youwant to AMPLIFY it. You don't want to WEAKEN it.
One of the problems with "telling her how youfeel" is that it instantly changes the dynamics ofthe situation.
When you say, "I like you" - in her head thewoman hears:
"He is admitting to me that he likes me, whichgives me all the power, which, for some strangereason, makes me not like him as much anymore."
I realize that this sounds crazy, and doesn'tmake a whole lot of "logical sense", but it's whatusually happens.
It has a lot to do with the fact that when mostguys say, "I like you" they sound like needykittens that just want to cuddle and suckle thebosom of mommy... which isn't exactly "attractioncreating" stuff.
If you want to "tell" a woman that you "likeher", the best way to do it is to ADVANCEPHYSICALLY.
In other words, TAKE THINGS TO THE NEXT LEVEL.
DO something, don't SAY something.
Words are to be used when ACTIONS don't workbetter.
But DO NOT "tell her how you feel".
Unless, of course, you want to drive to Vegas.
Finally, let me give you some advice about thissituation of "she calls me everyday to hang outand I can't turn her down".
TURN HER DOWN.
I know, I know... Powerful.
If you're in love with this girl and want tomarry her, have kids with her, drive your cutebrats to soccer practice in your white minivan,and wear lots of Dockers clothing, then forgetwhat I'm telling you.
Who knows, you might have found one of thoserare, wonderful women that so many of us arelooking for.
BUT, if you're just at the stage where it'stime to take things to the next level, then do itwith your ACTION, not with your WORDS.
Now, if you're reading what I'm telling thisguy and saying, "I really need to learn how tomake women feel attraction for me" - then I haveto agree with you.
You REALLY DO need to learn.
It's important.
Very important.

secretly in love_____